On May 22, 106 T. E., Carswell Thorne was born, setting the scene for a life of 214 Rampions, getting sassed by Cinder, and one candy-sweet romance in the world of the Lunar Chronicles. Happy birthday, Thorne!
In honor of such a significant day, I’m celebrating here at Beyond the Read by compiling some of the wittiest comebacks that characters have thrown, Thorne-style. Imagine being witty enough to take part in banter. Can’t relate.
- Winter by Marissa Meyer: In which Thorne reveals his genius plan to defeat an evil brainwashing queen. Scarlet and Winter have thoughts.
“We’re going to overthrow Levana, and by the stars above, we are going to make Cinder a queen so she can pay us a lot of money from her royal coffers and we can all retire very rich and very alive, got it?”
Winter started to clap. “Brilliant speech. Such gumption and bravado.”
“And yet strangely lacking in any sort of actual strategy,” said Scarlet.
- Illuminae by Amie Kaufman and Jay Kristoff: In which AIDAN expresses his preferred manner of address, which Kady rejects rather swiftly.
“A brain the size of a city burns inside me. My intelligence quotient is beyond the human scale. I would prefer if you did not refer to me in such a fashion.”
“Oh, poor baby. Did I hurt the mass-murdering psychopathic artificial intelligence’s feelings?”
- Defy the Stars by Claudia Gray: In which Abel clarifies the definition of prostitution.
“Abel, I can’t let you… sell your body.”
“The transaction is closer to a rental.”
- Blood and Sand by C. V. Wyk: In which Attia rewrites gender stereotypes.
“Gods, you might just take my hands off after all. Aren’t women supposed to be gentle?”
“Aren’t men supposed to be fearless? Hold still. I can’t do this if you keep squirming.”
- The Unlikely Escape of Uriah Heep by H. G. Parry: In which Sherlock Holmes and Charles Dickens go head-to-head about sentimentality.
“Sentiment is foreign to me. It is grit in a sensitive instrument. I leave such things to your novels.”
“Are you describing my novels as sentimental?”
- Stepsister by Jennifer Donnelly: In which the meaning of love is disputed.
“The feeling that you want to own someone body and soul, spirit them away from everyone else, have them all to yourself forever and ever and ever,” Hugo said dreamily. “It’s called love.”
“No, it’s called kidnapping,” said Tavi.
- Hamilton: An American Musical, “Cabinet Battle #1”: In which Alexander shoves the truth in Jefferson’s face in a very cathartic moment.
A civics lesson from a slaver. Hey neighbor
Your debts are paid cuz you don’t pay for labor
“We plant seeds in the South. We create.”
Yeah, keep ranting
We know who’s really doing the planting
That’s it for today! I honestly have so much respect for the authors out there who manage to pull wordplay off without making it seem forced. There are some geniuses on this planet.
How about you? What are your favorite sassy moments in books?